a little contest
I was recently asked what I missed most about Mark. My first impulse was to dismiss such a question as unanswerable, unless Everything! counts as an answer. However, in this case it happens I brought the question on myself, so to dodge it would not be cricket. So I thought, I know. I’ll use a lifeline! I’ll ask the audience. And this isn’t cheating, kids, because 1) you get three lifelines and I haven’t used any yet; 2) other people can usually see you better than you can see yourself; 3) it’s pretty much the only thing I’ve been blogging about for the last year; 4) It’s almost my one-year blogoversary, so, um… there!
Right, then. What do I miss most about him? We will accept entries in comments, email, or tweets @caseydamnmorgan. Best answer of any length can have a story written for them. (Yay?) To give everyone a fair chance to complete their research or cogitation, and to accommodate text-based masochists (thanks to Bitchy Jones via Caroline Grey for this apt term), the deadline will be next Sunday 1/24 at 6pm EST.
Ok, go forth and think about meeeeeee hahahaha.
January 17th, 2010 at 11:58 pm
Being able to share that level of trust, of intimacy, with someone. We deal with thousands of people in our lifetime…the majority of which I don’t even want to share an extended conversation with, let alone my soul. How many loved ones will get us in that way? How many will we even want to?
January 20th, 2010 at 12:26 pm
I’ve thought about this for a few days now. It’s a hard thing to think about and even harder to reply. My first reaction, imagining what it would be like for me, would be to say you must miss everything most.
Narrowing it, maybe being seen, all of you, for who you really are. Inner and outer lives and selves. It’s hard to imagine what it would be like losing that. Also, you’re missing the future — the years, the life you and Mark should have had together. As I’ve told you, the only contact I really had with M. was about you and his desire to make sure your stories weren’t lost. He loved you and wanted you to be happy.
Everything still seems like the best answer.
January 24th, 2010 at 6:17 pm
Both of these answers are perceptive, and true. Thank you both–very much–for replying here.
Since it’s a contest
we do have to pick a winning answer, so if forced, I would choose Mija’s: “Being seen, all of you, for who you really are. Inner and outer lives and selves.” Even before he died, I used to talk about the way that our home was a place, the only place in the world then or ever, where I felt I could take off all of my clothes, literally and figuratively. And actually, I would add onto Mija’s, being seen, all of you, for who you really are, and being loved–truly, madly, deeply–for that.
I keep my promises, so Mija will get a story. (She might have some idea where my mind is headed with it, ha ha.) I will ask her to be patient, though. It may take some time.
Hugs, you two! And thank you again for the lifeline!
xoxox
cdm