Aug 31 2011

in print

Today is a very exciting day, but unfortunately, it isn’t the kind of thing I can celebrate with my mom. I’m telling you, it’s very hard to stop myself calling her up to say, Hey, Mom, a story I wrote is being published today!

If I did that, I’d have to explain further. Well, Mom, the book is called The Spanking Collection, and it’s an anthology of spanking stories written by 20 of the best spanking writers around. It’s edited by my friends Abel and Haron (some of the “writing friends” I’ve visited in the UK), and the stories in it are diverse and fun and moving and hot and–and, no, Mom, these people aren’t strange. They are some of the nicest, normalest people you could meet, and guess what? This whole book is for Cancer Research UK. That’s right. The contributors all gave their stories (or introduction or artwork) without pay (yes, me too, I know, Mom, but seriously, no one is getting rich writing short stories), Abel and Haron covered all the publishing costs as well as doing the editing, layout, Kindle-creation, and the rest of it, and all the profits are going to help people find cures for cancer. Yes, I know that cancer isn’t just one big disease like polio, but the point is that the people at Cancer Research UK surely know this too, and once they get the windfall from this book, they will know so so much more! Ok, but, Mom, you get the point, right? And, yes actually, I think you could tell everyone in your therapy group that your widowed, church-going daughter is also a published author of kink. They would cheer you on. This is New York, right? Please, I’m sure you’ve heard much more unsavory things from them. Right? Exactly.

Well, if you want to buy the book, you can get it in paperback here, and on Kindle here (oh, right, your Kindle died within the first month when your water bottle leaked in your purse, never mind), and for more links there is Haron and Abel’s blog here. I love how you always buy copies of my books, Mom. Thanks for buying this!

But, Mom? Even if you buy a couple of copies, ok ten, please will you do me a favor and just not read my story? No, it’s not shocking or anything, and, no, I am not the lead girl, Charlie, and no one in the story is you; it’s just that I’d rather you didn’t read it. Like, there’s nothing the matter with either one of us having sex, but it’s just better if we don’t share that with each other. No, Mom, there’s no sex in my story. There’s kissing, but that’s it. And, well, it’s a spanking book, so, well, but, the point is that my story is called “The Library”, so avoid pp. 110-122, and yes, I am Casey Morgan, and no, please don’t Google that, ever. Yes, that is the name I use for the blog I don’t let you read, and please, can we keep it that way?

No, this story isn’t on my blog, and as a matter of fact this book is the only place it will appear because all of us writers agreed to write something special and original just for this anthology and let it appear only there. So, there is nothing for you to see on my blog, nothing at all. And the point about my story is that I got the idea for it after taking a trip with my friend Emma Jane to the Trinity College Library in Dublin. (The Motherland, right? Top o’the morning to ya, my darling mother!) Emma blogged about it here, and that is another link I would like you please not to follow, but you can give it to the people in your group and they can see how much of the story is indebted to Emma’s imagination and not really mine at all.

Ok, look, if you have to tell them something, just say my story is about an English schoolboy and an English schoolgirl who kiss and get in trouble, and there is a library in it.

I am sure you are right that my story is the best one even if you never read it. Let’s just agree that it is, and you can order copies and give them to your friends from therapy and from the Village and never read mine and support Cancer Research UK and all will be right with the world. Great! Love you, Mom!!!

Dinner to celebrate? Sure! xxxxxxx me


Jul 5 2011

hauled into the c-word

Not cunt. I have no problem with cunt as a bit of anatomy. The c-word I can’t stand is the one with nine letters starting with c and ending in y.

Community.

This word acts like smelling salts on me. Possibly I am scarred by too much time in Quaker environments, but whenever people start talking about Community, or about The (Something) Community, I feel sure that a lot of sentimentality, censoriousness, and identity politics is headed my way.

But I can’t seem to find a better word to describe what I was hauled into over the last couple of weeks.

I’m sure readers of this blog all read The Spanking Writers, the only daily non-pro spanking blog on the internet (to my knowledge). So you will all have read in March about the anthology of spanking stories they are putting together. I was flattered last winter to be asked to contribute. I was less enthused last week as the deadline approached.

Why did I agree to this project? I wondered gloomily. I almost passed on it in the first place, because I am busy, because my desire to write about kink has basically shriveled up and died, because I have begun to feel I just write the same thing over and over, and who wants to hear it anymore? But then I had a chat with myself. Self, I said, you are a writer and you propose to turn down publication because you feel ambivalent about kink and because you are busy? Writers don’t do that, self. Get real! So in the end I said yes to Abel and Haron and promised to have a story to them by the deadline, June 30.

Over the last few weeks, the subject of SW stories began to turn up in my twitter timeline. Other people were working on them, too. Other people were chasing this deadline. Other people thought their stories sucked. I wasn’t alone.

Add to this the fact that my story had been inspired by my visit to the Trinity College Library with Emma Jane in January. Add also the fact that Serenity offered to trade edits with me, and with her comments gave my story the structural sorting-out it so desperately needed. Add the excitement trickling into the Twitter feed as people got previews of each other’s pieces. Finally it dawned on me: this was a community activity, and I was having fun.

I know, alert the media.

So when I say I was hauled into the c-word, I mean that Haron and Abel, with their project, initiated the best of community building. They set people a task and let people get on with it. And even I—the girl who loves the sidelines, who has lost interest in blogging, who feels the deepest ambivalence about spanking, tgi, kink, and life itself—even I found myself engaged, boosted, enjoying trading stories, agonizing about deadlines, moaning about process, and knowing that Abel and Haron were reading our pieces and putting them all together almost as if we were part of a class, or a team, or a…

The word still sticks in my craw, but the thing itself is a blessing. So thanks to Abel and Haron, and to everyone else taking part. Sometimes you just need hauling into things.


Oct 30 2010

stories that won’t do as they’re told

A long time ago, I promised Mija a story. You may have noticed it hasn’t appeared. This, I assure you, is entirely the fault of the story itself and no fault whatsoever of mine. I started this story soon after promising it to Mija, inspired in part by her forays into calligraphy and in part by an old story idea about a girl educated both as a boy and as a girl. So far so good, but this story quickly developed ideas above its station. Before we knew where we were, this story began whispering of its ambition to be a novel.

I told the story to get a grip. Stories were just that, short prose compositions to be read in a single sitting with a beginning, middle and end. The story listened patiently, but then gave me that look–the look that said But I really really long to be a novel. It is my heart’s desire. I am passionate about my novel-hood and long only to develop myself over a hundred thousand words. Anything less will stifle my glorious potential.

Even though the story was looking at me in cliches, I realized I had a rebellion on my hands. Fear gripped me.

I consulted the twittisphere and received wise counsel from the likes of Adele Haze, who advised me to force it into a short form and then lie to it and say it might grow up to be a novel one day. I tried this. My story pretended cooperation, but I think it saw through my ruse and decided to persist secretly in its ambition. And so we contended, this story and I, on an off over the months between The Promise and now.

Procrastination and incomplete projects weigh heavily on my conscience. They inspire me to hate myself, and they suck my energy like vampires. I’m old enough to realize that the to-do list will never be empty, but I am nevertheless trying to clear the decks for NaNoWriMo, which begins Monday. Yes, I am doing it again. Yes, once again I propose to be a NaNo Rebel (don’t faint from surprise). I’m planning to continue and try to finish my current novel, roughly from the point I left it after last year’s NaNo. If you check back in a few days, hopefully the Nano widgets will be working and you’ll be able to monitor my progress.

All of which is a long way of arriving at this confession: I am not currently capable of making Mija’s story into a proper story. So instead of hang on to it indefinitely, I have decided to give it in its current fragmentary form. Naturally, this feels awful, but TL says it is salutary to submit to human limitations, and good preparation for a month of daily humiliation in pursuit of 50,000 crappy words.

Right, navel gazing over. National Novel Writing ahead. Non-novel below. Mija, sorry it isn’t quite as promised.

Georgie/George

© Casey Morgan 2010

The Baron poured out the brandy for himself and his visitor, drawing his own chair closer to the fire against the bitter winter evening.

“I suppose,” the visitor said after tasting the brandy with approval, “this is when we ought to discuss what we have so assiduously avoided discussing.”

A tension left the Baron, one only palpable in its departure. Delahay had not changed after all. “You’ve always been ruthless in the face of delicacy,” the Baron said.

“And you’ve always appreciated it,” Delahay replied. “Well, almost always.”

They shared a smile over the memory of their encounters, many years before, at school. The Baron (then known simply as Merlingham, or Basil to his intimates) had first encountered Paul Delahay at their Public School in Hampshire. Delahay was some five years the junior, and their relationship had its roots in that of prefect and “difficult” junior. Many years had passed since then, many experiences on both sides. Delahay’s physique displayed those years less plainly than the Baron’s. His ash-blond hair showed no signs of the gray which streaked through the Baron’s. Both men were fit, but Delahay’s figure cut the sportsman. While fate had been kinder to Delahay in looks, it had smiled more warmly on the Baron in fortune. Delahay’s ascendancy at university had not been followed by material success. He now found himself nearly forty, childless, widowed, and between appointments as a tutor. It had taken little to persuade him to accept an invitation to the Baron’s chateau in Switzerland to offer consultation on what the Baron termed “an awkward project,” no further explanation forthcoming.

“You remember my sister, Miranda?” the Baron essayed.

“How could I forget the delicious harpy?” Delahay revealed a smirk at the reference to one summer holiday spent at Merlingham Hall. The Baron had only been present for a week of it, but he was fairly confident Delahay had seduced Miranda (a year Delahay’s senior) as well as their brother, Tom (two years Delahay’s junior and his close associate at school).

Over three brandies, the Baron recounted Tom’s death on the autobahn; Miranda’s marriage, estrangement from the family, and disappearance at the hands of South American dictators; and, finally, the existence of a niece, whose sole relation the Baron had proved to be. This niece was in fact the awkward project. Orphaned for all intents and purposes, mis-educated, difficult, thirteen years of age.

Delahay’s eyes betrayed curiosity . “Mis-educated how?”

The Baron summarized the month since his niece had arrived. She was the product of ludicrous parents. They had carted her around the globe on a feverish career of Jellybyism, educating her (if indeed their methods merited the term, which he doubted) in a way that made the Baron want to fall upon them with fisticuffs, if they had been within thrashing distance. She spouted a disconnected jumble of history, politics, and folklore; she read voraciously and uncritically; she knew little of mathematics, something of modern languages, nothing of Latin or Greek, and while she cut a figure in verbal debate, her skills with pen and paper could most generously be described as primitive.

“She can’t write?”

“Not that one can decipher.”

Delahay’s face assumed the expression of a professional who knew his work: “In short, she is intelligent but undisciplined.”

“Quite.”

Delahay’s gaze drifted to the fire. “It does sound a desperate case,” he said. “Unfortunately, I am a tutor of boys.”

“Exclusively?”

Delahay hesitated. “She’s thirteen, you say?” The Baron nodded. “Girls that age belong with other girls, with schoolmistresses, or at least governesses. Not with tutors who specialize in preparing boys for Public School.”

“That’s the thing of it,” the Baron said. “The child has had a most unconventional upbringing. Conventional strategies are, I fear, useless.”

“Nevertheless,” Delahay began, but the Baron interrupted him in the blunt manner he once employed in the face of Delahay’s thirteen-year-old cheek:

“Do you imagine I haven’t tried all that?” the Baron demanded. He went on to narrate the disaster of his niece’s two-day attendance at the nearby school for young ladies, as well as the rapid departures of the governesses he had subsequently engaged. In the Baron’s untutored opinion, his niece was yet too uncivilized for female society. It was as much as he could do to keep her in a frock. He had come to the conclusion that nature ought not to be fought as much as engaged. And it was his fervent hope—his only hope—that Delahay might accept that engagement.

Delahay finished his brandy in silence, contemplating the Baron’s account. “My methods,” he said at last.

“Are quite traditional,” the Baron rejoined, “as my correspondents attest.”

“Correspondents?”

“You don’t imagine I’d attempt to engage a tutor I hadn’t thoroughly researched?”

“Ah.”

“I’d have thought, Delahay, that you would recall my thoroughness, if nothing else.”

Delahay had the grace to blush at the memory.

“I grant you a free hand,” the Baron continued. “If you’ve any qualms dealing directly with my niece, perhaps you will feel freer addressing yourself to my nephew.”

Delahay blinked, and continued to blush. “There’s a nephew as well?”

The Baron rang for a servant, who quickly appeared. “Bring Georgie here, please.” The servant bobbed and departed. The Baron refreshed their drinks. He said nothing further, but shortly the library door banged open, admitting a child flushed from the outdoors. The child looked to Delahay in the neighborhood of eleven. It wore wool trousers, layers of wool jumper, wet boots, as well as muffler, cap, and mittens covered in snow.

“Gracious, child, what do you call—”

“Rose said you wanted me at once,” the child interrupted.

“Have you only just returned?” the Baron asked, concerned. “I thought I made it clear you weren’t to be skiing in the dark.”

“It’s only just got dark,” the child retorted.

This was not quite true, but the Baron declined to pursue the matter. Instead he drew the dripping child over to the fire. “Say good evening, please, to Mr. Delahay.”

The child removed a snow-caked mitten and extended a cold, pink hand. “How do you do?” it inquired, with almost repugnant self-confidence.

“Quite well—”

“Delahay,” the Baron interrupted, “please meet my niece, Georgiana.”

read the rest of the story


Mar 8 2010

little chats

When I write the phrase little chat, it is usually in upper case, Little Chat. I think you already know what that means. It is probably time I attribute the phrase to its originator. Mark first used, upper case, early in our correspondence, but I incorrectly remember hearing it first in a vignette he wrote for me.

Our email correspondence (until he moved to Gotham) stretches to almost a thousand emails each, almost all of them saved individually in txt files with names like “fmark232.txt” [the 232nd email from Mark to me] or “tomark33″ [my 33rd email to Mark]. As you can imagine, it’s hard to find a reference amongst all that, especially 15 years after the fact.

Tonight I was searching for the text of this Little Chat vignette, which I did using the Search function on my PC. It turned up many emails, and the first one I opened turned out to be the one in which he confessed that he loved me. I barely remember this email, but encountering it again absolutely slayed me. I won’t quote it. My eyes are still swollen.

I did eventually find Mark’s vignette and have posted it below as well as under the Stories tab. The scenario was Mark and Casey at the Lewises. This was an alternate reality to Home School, one we only played a few times. The idea was that Mark and Casey had run away from the Orphanage and had been found and adopted by the Perfect People (Dr. & Mrs. Lewis). I later (or was it earlier?) wrote a companion piece to his vignette, which I also posted under the Stories tab. After reading them both, I feel his is much better: more direct, less fussy and complicated, more spontaneous and full of heart. Looking at both scenarios from far away, I would say that we never lived or much played the letter of them, but the mood and heart of them were a constant feature of our life together, especially Mr. Prior’s life with Casey.

Without further ado, then, here is Mark’s piece, Wednesdays.

Wednesdays

by Mark Hastings

Sundays are for Regulars, for weekly cleaning.  Sundays are always spent together, at the Lewises.  Casey and Mark go to bed sore and peaceful and clean and warm.  Whole.  Sundays are a deep rich blue, the smell of dark polished wood, a full stomach and a feeling of belonging.

By Wednesday, that’s worn off a little.  Mr. Lewis is fond of saying, as he shaves on Wednesday morning, that Wednesday is the worst day of the week. Equidistant from the comfort of weekend.  Neither the residual freshness of Tuesday, or the slight anticipation of Thursday.  Nothing but acres of dullness.  Mrs. Lewis has Commitments on Wednesdays, so supper is usually something cold.  Mark and Casey both have School things that they hate. For Mark, it’s morning gym, ninety minutes of effort with the school Sergeant’s swagger stick flailing its response to slackness, and the inevitability of at least one vault-horse caning, ‘poer incurriger les otters’.   For Casey, double Latin in the afternoon with the psychotically sarcastic Mr. Whitworth, whose greatest pleasure is to decline irregular verbs in time with his strap-strokes, and who makes a virtue of leathering girls just as hard as boys.  Out in front of the class, but facing towards your peers so they are spared the worst witness of unprotected strapping, and can better concentrate on construe.

Mark has learned to avoid the Wednesday vault-horse, and Casey the mid-week strap, because on Wednesday evenings they have their “Little Chat”.

The children do the dishes after supper, while Mr. Lewis goes to his study, and Mrs. Lewis rests up.  There is a sense of anticipation, although it isn’t the edginess of Sunday, before the Regulars, because often a Little Chat is just that.  Even so, the dishes get done well, and quietly, on the whole, on Wednesdays.  Mark and Casey smarten themselves up, and jaunt carefully along the downstairs corridor to the study.  Sometimes Mrs. Lewis joins them, sometimes not.

Little Chats are lucky-dippy.  In the months since Casey’s arrival they have ranged from a particularly uncomfortable interview over a broken ornament (Casey), cleverly replaced on its shelf (Mark) and not discovered broken for some time afterwards (Mrs. Lewis), to a riotous game of Racing Demon in which Mr. Lewis was heard to swear when Casey stole his Ace of Spades, was sent to the corner by his family and threatened with a very hard whacking by Mark if he ever did it again.  On average, one or both of the Lewises feel that one or both of the children would benefit from a little additional discipline perhaps one week in two.

Little Chat discipline is always the same – slipper, paddle or hand, administered in traditional manner, across the knee of the parent in the clock-ticky quiet of Mr. Lewis’s study.  It’s very different from Regulars. Canes, birches, crops and straps are banned.  Punishments are measured in minutes, rather than strokes.  Usually either a Quin, being–as Casey might explain–five minutes, or a Dix, being ten.  Mark hates Dixes, with a passion, especially when they’re paddle, and administered by Mrs. Lewis. Casey has mixed feelings about the whacking, but she loves the closeness and warmth of Little Chats, the fire glowing orange while the wind blows white outside on winter Wednesdays.

So, Wednesdays are made red, a smell of incense, a little adventure, and fun.

Think you?


Jan 10 2010

secret saturday 2: after the date

She locked the back door and heard the murmur of the television from the den. No voices, though, giving her hope, however faint, that the children were asleep. She tossed her coat across the table and kicked off her clogs.

“Hey.” Her husband appeared in the dining room arch, back lit from the den.

“Are the kids—”

“In bed,” he interrupted. “Asleep.”

“Wow. Did you drug ‘em?”

“I thought you’d be back by eight thirty.” His voice acquired that edge. She could tell he wouldn’t be babysitting again anytime soon.

“The train was delayed. We got stuck in the tunnel.”

He palmed the dimmer, and the chandelier blared alight. She squinted.

“The website didn’t say anything,” he said stiffly.

She shrugged. “I’m shattered. You coming to bed?” She asked, knowing that he wouldn’t. She asked for form’s sake, to maintain the illusion of civility. As she slouched past him, his hand snatched her above the elbow. “Hey!”

“You were with him, weren’t you?”

“Who?”

“You know who.  Wasn’t enough, I suppose, to flirt with him in the deli every day. To have drinks with him last Thursday from five to seven PM.”

“What the hell?”

“Oh, I don’t need to spy on you. Do you think everyone in this town doesn’t know everything. Do you think they wouldn’t tell me?”

“And what did the jungle drums report about tonight, then?” She wrenched her arm free, but still he blocked her path.

“I’m your husband. You owe me the truth at least.”

Something in his eyes, something she’d never seen before made her heart ricochet in her chest.

“What do you want to hear?”

“Everything.” He imprisoned her wrists in his hands. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt his palms there.

“Do you want to hear how he took my hand?”

“How? The little punk.”

She met his gaze. He released her wrists. She took one of his hands flat between both of hers, and then brushed one protruding finger against her lip. He inhaled.

“Did you let him kiss you?”

Again, the look she’d never seen. Jealousy, but something more. “I kissed him.”

“You what?”

She ran her hands up his arms, over his t-shirt, and into the line of his disheveled hair. Then she pulled his face down and kissed him—lips, breath, tongue, teeth—as they hadn’t kissed in—

“What else did he do, the bastard?”

She moved his hand under her blouse. “This.” The other hand she led round to the back of her skirt. “And this.”

He pulled her close, stiff against her. “What else? I could kill him.”

Some time later they went up to bed, exhausted, sore, sated. She felt a pang of guilt, but fleeting. He wouldn’t have minded about the truth, a drink too many with her college roommate after the play; but the illusory lover not only proved incandescent, but it also guaranteed he’d babysit again soon, willingly.


What is Secret Saturday? This piece was a little different than my usual fare. I suppose you can decide whether the change was for the good or the bad! My wildcard, like Emma Jane’s, was tunnel.

Check out the other excellent writers joining in this week:

  • Emma Jane – injecting a special verisimilitude to hers!

Nov 7 2009

3f#28 – youthful hercules

He watched her whirl about the apartment, in what he called her Tasmanian Devil state. There were so many things to do she couldn’t draw breath to count them, and there he sat on the bed, stripped down to boxer briefs, flicking channels between the baseball and Househunting Wales: Denbighshire.

“Come to bed,” he said gently, settling further into the pillows. She declined in a bugger-off tone and strode to the kitchen to initiate another task. The crockery on top of the fridge needed putting away. She dragged chair across tiles and climbed up with the ugly plate their neighbor had given them for their wedding.

Then, the chair was skidding out from under her and crashing to the floor, shattering the plate and slamming her knee against the counter. And he was there, lifting her from the scene of the accident and pointing to the dressing room: “Go.”

Tears threatening, she did as he said. After sweeping up the shards, he waited for her, then led her to bed. He resumed his spot and pulled her by the wrist to sit between his legs, her head against his chest like a pillow, his arms wrapped around her from behind, muscles like the statue of Youthful Hercules she’d seen at the museum, his lips brushing against her ear, her cheek, her neck, watching the sheep in Wales, running his fingers through her hair until everything wrong was right again and she could call off the archers, put down the stick, surrender.


flash What is Flash Fiction Friday?

Read the other folks writing this week:


Oct 31 2009

bookends 5: perfect bread, perfect toast

The only wisdom we can hope to acquire is the wisdom of humility. The motto of Peter Donne’s confessor when he entered the monastery, thirty-nine years old, hot-headed, clever, bereaved.

The Abbot at Lunsford had taken particular interest in him, as perhaps he ought, Peter being his nephew. He had persuaded Peter to come to Lunsford and then assigned him Barnabas for his confessor.

“He’s tried to harm himself,” the Abbot told Barnabas.

“With intent?”

“I fear.”

Barnabas intertwined his fingers and exhaled. “Will you permit the Norwich Discipline?”

The Abbot hesitated, a qualm for his nephew, but then nodded, recognizing what could be the only hope for his novice.

Days for Peter began an hour before anyone else rose. Barnabas woke him and supervised his milking of the cows. In that bleary-eyed hour, Barnabas exacted a kind of confession as he demanded an account of the night’s dreams. Confession and discernment of spirits, combined with milking—the ultimate monastic efficiency, Barnabas claimed.

“I saw her again,” Peter said one dark morning—his third month? thirteenth? what difference, really?

“Yes?”

“Her body warm and unclothed against me in our bed, soft, so alive…”

“Yes.”

“I knew she was dead, that this was a visit from beyond the grave, but her arms wrapped around me so…”

“Did you make love?”

“Not this time. But…I asked her to use her magic eyes, to… bring something good to me. ‘You can’t want me to live my whole long life without you and alone,’ I said.”

“And now?” Barnabas asked. “Mind the bucket!”

Milk sloshed across the dairy floor. Peter winced, knowing his confessor’s answer to inattention at milking.

“We’ll deal with that later,” Barnabas said dryly. “For now, finish, please. Your report, and your cow.”

“There was a later part, in the refectory here. I had just arrived, with the boys.”

“Your boys, or the boys you used to teach?”

“A blending, I think. I was worried over what they would eat and was bustling about trying to find them what they’d like. Then the Abbot reached over my shoulder and dropped two pieces of toast on my plate. They were hot, hot enough to melt the butter between them, and it was toast with the kind of bread she used to make, the best bread, the best toast.”

“Perfect toast.”

“Yes. And I wanted to blub because of the toast, and because of the fact that he’d been watching me all along, when I’d been busy with the boys, and he’d taken it upon himself to drop on my plate–no word, no fuss–the perfect toast.”

Barnabas nodded but said no more until later that morning–after Matins, after morning work, after Peter’s particular exercises–when Peter stood before him in the confessional cell, struggling as usual with the submission his confessor requested. Barnabas waited, as usual, without speaking, without removing the birch from its bucket until Peter had prepared himself. When the time came, he applied it with the force of radical mercy, until the fight left, and a bit beyond.

After saying the absolution and allowing the novice to rearrange himself, Barnabas fished a tin from his habit, an incongruous, luridly colored object containing ginger pastilles. He opened it and held it out to Peter Donne, who seemed to regard it as a sinister trap.

“Go on,” Barnabas said.

Sweets of all kinds were forbidden at Lunsford, and almost every other indulgence forbidden to Peter under the Norwich Discipline.

“No, thank you.”

“You’re afraid, aren’t you? Afraid of what will happen if you have it.”

Peter braced himself to deny it, but then shrugged.

“You aren’t the author of your life,” his confessor said.

“No,” Peter replied, as if he were only just realizing it.

“Someone else is writing your book.”

Peter frowned as if he had received crushing news.

“Someone who watches you. Someone who, unbeknownst to you, has taken time to prepare perfect toast, from perfect bread, and to drop it on your plate.”

The novice fell back to his knees, tears pouring suddenly from his eyes: “Please, Father, change me. Make me a man who no longer asks to have her back.”

Barnabas rested a hand on Peter’s head. “He is changing you. Your book is being written, even now.”

“And what does it say, this page?”

“This page?” Barnabas placed the open tin on the kneeler. “So I did sit, and eat.”


What is Bookends?

Note: Bookends will be suspended for the month of November due to NaNoWriMo, as explained here.

Read other folks writing this week:


Oct 31 2009

3f#27 – the professor

He wasn’t a relative. He wasn’t her godfather. He wasn’t even her guardian, but she’d been sent to stay with him in his rambling, damp house on Galway Bay. She was to call him Professor, and he spent much of his time like the professor in the Narnia books, locked away pursuing unfathomable and possibly magical matters.

The Professor lived with an Irish Setter—mad, soppy, antic. They took long daily walks and expected her to accompany them. Over the Burren, along the shore, up Connemara hills, in rain, in sun, in gale they walked.

He had no patience for petty regulations of the modern world. He bought his meat from a butcher out of the back of his farm, not licensed, but extraordinarily fresh and good. His milk came from a neighbor’s cow, his eggs from chickens down the lane. The hysterical alarms of contemporary life—H1N1, salmonella, pedophiles, climate change—meant nothing to him.

He did insist on certain courtesies. When he entered the room, she was to stand. When granted admission to his study, she was to give a small bow, more appropriate to a German schoolboy, she thought, than to an orphaned American girl. And when something she said or did indicated to him, by whatever mysterious code, that she required discipline, he administered it after the method of his childhood, with a slipper across his knee, or a worn leather strap. It was better, he said, all of it. More healthy, more traditional, more human.


flash What is Flash Fiction Friday?

Read the other folks writing this week:


Oct 24 2009

3f#26 – jigsaw

How did I know he loved me? I figured it from the second serious story he wrote for me, Jigsaw. I don’t believe I’ve ever shared this one; he said it was just for us. He wrote it before we met in person, sometime in July that summer. It imagined a school weekend, casey and mark with Mr. Penn, and it ended with the two of them putting the pieces together, working out that this was the real deal, life-mangling, life-restoring.

He was married. Jigsaw called the bluff on our ostensibly platonic friendship. My parents’ marriage had ended in divorce; I refused to be an Other Woman. I remember falling on my knees in my study, sobbing and imploring God to help, somehow. I was not religious at this point, so this impulse was as spontaneous as it was extraordinary. Here I was—here we were—being vivisected by this love, yet I did not want to help destroy anyone’s marriage. I had no idea what the near or distant future held, I only knew it was utterly insane to feel as though my entire existence—all 26 years of it—had been permanently rearranged by this Englishman I had never met face-to-face.

I remember the calm that came over me, not lessening the acute emotion, but muting it for a moment, and I remember the irrational certainty, like a rumbling in my stomach, that if I merely sat back and waited, doing nothing, all would be well, and all would be well, and all manner of means would be well…


flash

Arrgh…again, not quite fiction. And a topic that deserves much more thorough dealing. Half-way through writing it, I wanted to delete it and start again. However, I have this…attitude?…philosophy? that once something starts to write itself, one really ought not to give up on it, or censure it. In a way, those are the rules. I’m not sure I would stick with them in all circumstances, but I did today. Forgive any flippancy this 250-word treatment suggests. And please, if you can, refrain from drawing conclusions about me. I was, at that time, astoundingly naive.

What is Flash Fiction Friday?
Read the other folks writing this week:


Oct 23 2009

bookends 4: bildungsroman

“If things are good they’re not terrifying, are they?”

Marcus sighed. Vincent may have been his cousin, but he knew nothing about reality. Marcus wanted to fire back a cutting retort—You would say that given the way your parents hover like nervous dragonflies. He said nothing, however. Vincent had received enough jibes of that nature in his first—and last—disastrous term at Public School. His overwrought parents had dispatched him for the holidays to the house Marcus shared with their grandfather. Marcus, though six months younger than his cousin, had quickly deciphered the situation by eavesdropping on the servants: Vincent’s parents were enmeshed in legal difficulties. There was talk of Debt, Divorce.

“The really good things are always terrifying,” Marcus replied. “At least before you have them.”

“I never have terrifying things,” Vincent declared loftily. Marcus recalled his cousin’s obnoxious refusal to sample unfamiliar foods at the dinner table and decided a counter-irritant was in order.

“In that case,” Marcus said, heading for the door of their sitting room, “you’ll have to spend the hols holed up in here.”

“Grandfather told us quite clearly we weren’t to wander.”

Marcus flashed a grin. “Say hello to the ghosts, then. I’m off.”

He felt an immeasurable relief to hear Vincent’s footsteps clattering down the nursery corridor behind him.

Vincent gasped: “Is our room haunted?”

Marcus shrugged. “The most haunted room in the house.” Vincent looked as though he might burst into tears. Marcus ignored his fear and led him up staircases, down corridors, and into and out of shut-up rooms, where they played the rest of the morning.

At lunch, their grandfather questioned them: “Keeping out of trouble?”

“Yes, sir,” Marcus replied confidently.

Their grandfather narrowed his eyes. “You and I have yet to discuss your term reports, boy. I don’t recommend going for extras.”

“No, sir.” Marcus swallowed his soup serenely.

“Do not be under any illusions,” their grandfather said to Vincent. “My daughter may have wrapped you in cotton wool, but I most certainly will not.” Vincent blushed and looked hard-done-by. “There’s to be no more wasted food, for starters,” their grandfather continued. “You’ll eat what you’re given or go hungry the rest of the day.”

This approach was far too direct, Marcus could see, and served only to push Vincent into a stubborn realm of nausea. He ate no more of the lunch, and cloistered himself upstairs at tea-time. The next day Marcus redoubled his efforts, leading Vincent to some of the more thrilling corners of the house, peepholes, for instance, which revealed scullery maids bathing, or the stableboys exercising themselves whilst discussing the scullery maids. Marcus even contrived to position them to observe the stableboys’ punishment by the groom. Marcus hoped their stoicism unter the strap would provide inspiration for his cousin.

The second week they roamed beyond the grounds and into the district where they met with Marcus’s friend, Jasper, and Jasper’s delicious sister Susan. Whenever Vincent showed signs of wanting to stay behind, Marcus embroidered his accounts of ghosts. Vincent’s interest in them never waned, and in fact grew faintly ravenous.

One afternoon pelting rain confined them indoors. Marcus began to recount another imagined other-worldly encounter. Vincent interrupted and pointed to a small cupboard behind the settee.

“That’s where the noises come from. The ghosts.” Vincent reported this information with a good deal more enthusiasm than Marcus previously would have thought possible.

Marcus grinned: “Let’s turf ‘em out, then!” Vincent joined with enthusiasm, and soon they’d coated themselves in dust, emptied the cupboard, and uncovered a hidden door. Vincent wrenched it open and crawled, heedless, inside.

A mighty crash followed. Marcus peered into the darkness and soon found himself flailing down a tin shaft and landing painfully some distance below.

“You, too?” said his grandfather’s voice as Marcus felt his grandfather’s powerful arm hauling him to his feet. He blinked and tried to breathe. They had landed somehow in the library and now stood, filthy, before him. He raised a hand to silence them: “No explanation necessary. If you’ll be so good as to fetch the cane, Marcus, you know where it lives, I shall dust your jackets for you.”

Vincent emerged from his caning considerably more confident than Marcus had seen him. He grew to love their grandfather’s house, and spoke of it enthusiastically at school, where he joined Marcus the following term.

“It was the sort of house that you never seem to come to the end of,” Vincent would recount, “And it was full of unexpected places.”


What is Bookends?

Sorry about the late posting this week. I’ve been catching up on some sleep…

Also writing this week, PapaTomLA–check out his story.